Well, Chris came down a couple weeks ago and the day he got back home, he got a second job. I cannot remember if he ever told me he was looking for another job or not, but he finally texted me today. He told me he had gotten a second job; I had no idea. I have no idea if its a morning job, another night job, or a day job. I don't know anything about this and it hurts because there's a good chance I will not see him for a very long time. My parents are reluctant to let me go up there on my own and they will not take me, despite them saying they would.

Just knowing I will not see his face or hear his voice for a while hurts. I told a friend of mine that this hurts more than if he had just broken up with me. Which in a way, it feels like I've been left out of his life. I know we don't live that close to one another so just jumping in the car and seeing him for a day is kind of out of the question, not to mention my parents would not let me. And it does not seem fair to make him only come down for what a day. I know if he loves me, he'll do anything to see me no matter what, and that driving for four hours just to see me should mean something.

It does, it really does. But lately, I feel like I'm boring him. That maybe I'm one dimensional and he's getting really tired of me. I put myself down so much, maybe he's tired of all of my drama and whining. Or maybe he's tired of me acting immature and wants a confident woman in his life. I don't know, anything. I'm not apart of his life like many couples I see around at my college and work. We're different because of the distance. I can't see him as often as I want to and now I don't know what's going on in his life. We don't talk as much as we used to. We used to talk just about every other day and now, I only hear from him if he wants to come down. And maybe once before, when he's been home for a week at least since his last visit. I just don't know anymore. I feel so vulnerable.

Edit: He called me this morning and ended the relationship. I don't want to go on without him. I love him so much. I can't go on, I don't want to be apart from him. He won't work things out either, like he doesn't want to try and make anything work. He says he can't see how anything could work out now that he has a day part time job and a night part time job now. He has to save up to pay his parents back (which I think they should say not to worry about paying them back), and then he's going to save up to move out. Then when he moves out, he has to figure out where he's going and then get a full-time and part-time job just to pay for the bills in the apartment and for his car.

He feels like he won't be able to give me the time that I deserve now and ended it. I still want to hear his voice even after we've hung up. Four months of happiness, nothing mattered in the world to me except keeping him happy. What I would not do to get that back. I'm alone in this world now. I'm not close to my parents, and I don't really have close friends in life, I'm never going to find someone that will stay with me through thick and thin. I thought Chris would be the one, I WANTED him to be the one that would do anything just to stay with me. He was happy when he was down here, content almost. He loved me for me, but if he had an idea this might happen, he could have warned me and sat me down and talked things out. It could have worked. It really could have.